i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
