is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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