we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
