this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
