well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
