We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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