Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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