True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize