Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
