More tranny stories later!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
