Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
