The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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