she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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