just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
