I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
