I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
