Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
