is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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