just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
