I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize