so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
