Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
