if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
