you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
