All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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