He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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