Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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