Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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