where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
as a side note pls kill me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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