It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize