either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
