I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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