I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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