Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
