sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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