There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
