i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
