remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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