Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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