Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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