shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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