would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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