I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
