Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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