R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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