I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
