Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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