Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
