I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
