Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
