I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
