so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
