i barfeds in our rink
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
