he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize