Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
