I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
