I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize