You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
