1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
