So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We are two peas in an std pod
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
