i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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