So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
