last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
