Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
