can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
