Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
