I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
