eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize