i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
