you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
