there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
