on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
