Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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