remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
