Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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