another moral hangover. fuck.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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