My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize