I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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