At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
