So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
