I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
