Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want her autograph on my taint
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
