Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
