mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
