i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
