Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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