The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize