how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
