Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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