i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
