I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
