I wish my penis had an off switch
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize