Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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