weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
