i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
