..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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