my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
