It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
