take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
