If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
