I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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