You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize