dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He passed out mid-signature
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
