apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
