I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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