Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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