Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize