I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
